Daddy’s Girl Always and Forever

Today June 11, 2020 would have been my Daddy’s 81st birthday. Sadly we lost him last year in October 2019. My Daddy was blessed to live a long and full life and I was blessed to call him Daddy for 45 years. Although My Daddy was ill and I knew his death was inevitable you are never really ready to say Goodbye. I love My Daddy with all my heart and we shared a very special Daddy/Daughter bond. On his birthday, I honor him, I remember him and I cherish the beautiful memories.

Daddy’s Girl; My Childhood

During my childhood up through my high school years my mother worked an evening shift and my daddy worked a day shift. So he would be the one with us after school.  Every day he would come in the door with candy and snacks for us. My sister and I was truly Daddy’s Girls. My Daddy would come in and start dinner and he would help us with our homework. He was a fantastic cook and would create dishes from his own recipes (he never had anything written down). He was a master on the BBQ Grill and he seemed to be out there  every weekend that weather permitted. I must also say nobody’s BBQ has ever come close to his. Sometimes on the weekends he would work overtime and he would take me and my sister with him. We pretty much were with him all the time. We went of family fishing trips. He showered us with love and admiration and we were “spoiled” with all the things that a child could ever want. I remember he built a sandbox for us in the backyard, we had two swing sets, a huge outdoor playhouse, toys, dolls, games, anything that he thought we could have wanted.

He built a patio for us in the backyard where we spent evenings , laughing, talking and listening to the radio/eight track player. In the front yard he put in a Slip n Slide so that we could have fun all summer long. My Daddy was also an expert gardener, he grew vegetables and also a flower garden and he kept our yard beautifully landscaped. He grew watermelon for us and pumpkins just because we asked. One year he planted Sunflowers so that I could make my favorite snack-Sunflower Seeds. There was nothing that he wouldn’t do for us. I fondly remember my sister insisted that she needed a chimpanzee as a pet and no matter how ridiculous this sounds, he put a plan in place to get her one.  However there was a spirited debate between him and my mother. She made it clear that no monkey would live in her home so that plan came to an abrupt halt. I have to applaud his efforts though. Nothing was too much to ask from his girls.  My Daddy was a very devoted father, he add a quick wit, was an amazing storyteller and had a great sense of humor.

As a child I remember My Daddy always telling me how smart I was and encouraging me to know I could do or be whatever I wanted. He nicknamed me “Miss Stacy”, because I had a strong will even as a child and was a natural leader. I think my sister used to call me “bossy”😁.  I can remember anytime I would say or do something that My Daddy was pleased with he would say, “Go Head Lil Girl”. Every time he said that I knew I had done something to make him proud. I owe so much of my self-esteem and self-confidence to growing up as a Daddy’s Girl.

Daddy’s Girl; Adult

As a young adult and throughout my adult life he continued to praise my accomplishments and I can remember how his face would light up and he would smile whenever I walked into the room. When I was away at school in undergrad my parents would send me care packages, letters and cards.  I would also call home weekly and get encouraging words.  I saved most of those cards. My Daddy would always sign his, “Your Dear Ole Dad”. I graduated with My Master Degree at age 24. I bought my first home at age 25.  I can remember My Daddy trying to talk me out of moving out, saying “you can stay here as long as you want”. He was relieved when I purchased a property that was only a few miles away.  I remember My Daddy always being there anytime I needed him.  A girl needs her Daddy even when she is grown. 

In my early 30’s I had just purchased my 2nd home and I was cleaning and doing some renovations.  I moved the refrigerator to clean behind there and saw what appeared to be some type of dead animal.  I was at the house by myself so I called My Daddy. I knew it was dead but I was not going to touch it.  I hadn’t looked long enough to see what it was but I assumed it was some type of rodent.  So, My Daddy came right over.  He looked behind the refrigerator, I said, “What is it Daddy”, he didn’t answer.  He told me to bring him a broom and a trash bag. He swept it up and took it out to the trash.  When he came back in the house I asked him again, “Daddy what was it?”.  He still didn’t answer, instead he said “It’s gone now, so don’t worry about it” So I didn’t.  I still live in the same home and fortunately. I have never seen another critter inside the house, dead or alive.  He was always there for me. Throughout his life whenever I walked into the room his face would light up and he would smile.  After I got my PhD My Daddy gave me a new nickname, “Lil Doc”. Thereafter he would always greet me by saying, “ What’s Up Lil Doc”.

Taking Care of My Daddy

My Daddy suffered a stroke in 2008 and upon being released from the hospital the recommendation was 24 hour care.  So I took leave from my job and stayed at home with My Daddy during the day while my mother was at work.  The stroke left him with impairment to his short-term memory so it was hard for him to remember things day to day, but his long term memory remained intact and he never forgot any of the memories that happened prior to his stroke.  Also, he was no longer able to drive and his mobility was affected. He walked much slower and couldn’t walk for long periods of time. Shortly thereafter my mother retired and become his full -time care giver. Over the years his health continued to decline and after several years of dialysis and other health issues he was wheelchair bound and required assistance with most things. During the last few months of his life was in and out of the hospital almost weekly. So we all knew the end was near.

Saying Goodbye

As the time got near, I took leave from work because I wanted to be there with him as much as possible. In the last couple of weeks of his life it seemed he didn’t sleep. I would sit by his hospital bed and periodically he would call my name and say, “where you at?” I would say “I’m right here Daddy” and he would say, “hold my hand” and he would squeeze my hand so tight.  As the word of his condition made it to the family, they came by to see him.  At the time my oldest nephew was living out of state as well as my sister and her two children.  I told My Daddy they were coming and I believe he waited for them.  The day that my sister got to town we all stayed by his side, we talked, we laughed, we played music.  I even danced with him, dancing and holding his hand.  My mother started dancing too and I made a joke to My Daddy, “she think she can dance don’t she?” and despite all his pain and fighting for every breath he smiled. I went home that night and told myself My Daddy is dying and I have made peace with it. 

That next morning, he was scheduled to be moved to a hospice house. My mother arrived and stayed with him for awhile but transporters were behind schedule.  I arrived to allow her time to go home to rest and we made plans to meet at the hospice house later. As I sat by his side, he called my name and he asked me, “are you ok”. I said, “yeah Daddy I’m ok” and a few minutes later he asked me again, “you ok’? I said “ Yeah, I’m ok are you ok”.  His response was “I’ll be alright”.  He squeezed my hand and he said, “I Love You Girl”. I said “I Love You Too”. The transporter arrived and told him that they were taking him to “Evelyn’s House” which was the name of the hospice house.  He asked me “where am I going”. I told him we were taking him to a nice place so he could rest now.  He said “good”.

Daddy Makes his Transition

I followed the ambulance to the hospice house, my mother arrived shortly after. They prepped the room and got everything all set up. It was a very nice facility, the room was nice and had its own patio.  There were many amenities and we felt good that this would be his final home.  My sister , niece and nephew arrived.  The nurse indicated that were giving him some medication to help with pain.  After taking the medication he went to sleep, snoring loudly. We were so relieved that he was finally getting some sleep. We were once again laughing, talking and listening to music while he slept.  All of a sudden my mother kind of jumped and she had a strange look on her face she asked us “did you see that light?”, we all looked at her like what light? She said I saw a light and it went under the patio door. All of a sudden we realized that My Daddy was no longer snoring.  So we believe that was his soul exiting his physical being. I didn’t see the light but from the look on my mother’s face I know she saw it.

We all kind of just sat still. My mother says, “I don’t think he breathing” as we sat there thinking of what do next a staff member came in. My mother told her that we don’t think he’s breathing, she looked really strange and went to get the nurse.  The nurse came in checked for vitals and then looked at us and said, “I’m so sorry”. It was then that we confirmed Daddy had made his transition.  He had only been at the hospice house a few hours.

As I write these words I have tears in my eyes, both tears of sadness and tears of joy.  My Daddy was a strong person who withstood so many health conditions and ailments and never complained.  He lived his life on his own terms, and he fought the good fight.  I know that when he closed his eyes, he was ready.  I felt so blessed and so honored to be there to share those final moments with him as he made his transition. Before walking out of the room, I kissed My Daddy on the cheek and told him goodbye. In moments were I struggle with my grief, I just stand still and I can hear My Daddy saying, “Go Head Lil Girl” and I do…I keep going.

Daddy’s Girls Always and Forever.